Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
