Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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