She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
