they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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