i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
