Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
