Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
