Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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