and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
