I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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