Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
