after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
