My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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