one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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