You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
