..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
