my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
