Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
