Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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