we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who died my cat blue again?
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