Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
