I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
