he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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