I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
