whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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