There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
