I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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