Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
