You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
