you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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