You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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