We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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