will power is for people who don't want to get laid
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
