Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
