i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
