I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
is wine microwaveable?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
