Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
