Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
