Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
