Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
