There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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