for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
