Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
