don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
