you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
