this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
