I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
