i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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