I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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