were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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