found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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