Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
