Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is wine microwaveable?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
