I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
