well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
