The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
