I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
