im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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