Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
