They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
